I was working in the yard when I disturbed a nest of bees and got stung on the shoulder. The sting left a tender red spot and it really hurt — it was like the bite was the epicenter with nerves tingling all round that spot. It hurt for 24 hours and for several days the entire area was sensitive when anything touched it. This is much the same with hurt feelings. The first sting really hurts and although the pain may linger, gradually it decreases. However, we are often left with scars that never quite heal, or take a very long time to heal. I still have a scar at the point of the bee sting - a reminder that I was bit.

Feelings are similar to a bee sting. At the point of the sting, it hurts and there is a tingling of nerve endings radiating out from the bite. We often refer to hurt feelings as a “kick in the gut” and that too feels like a point of contact with sensations circling out from the center point. My point with all this kicking and stinging is that feelings are real; they impact our lives, and sometimes hang around to haunt us for a very long time.

The process of working through feelings is different with each moment, each day or each situation. Sometimes the process of “feeling it to heal it” moves very quickly and within a matter of seconds or minutes the feeling has come and gone - truly gone - with no remaining sting. It wasn’t that big a deal - and once I notice and feel it - then I can let it go. Other times, it takes longer. When an incident pushes a button big time - then the release process is a bigger deal and it may take longer to turn loose of it.

Not long ago, my - “principle of the thing - an injustice - it’s not right” button — got pushed. For me, when that trigger is activated, I’m mad - stomp around, bang doors, find something to dig up in the yard, exercise hard, and am very expressive. Please be assured all human and animal creatures around are safe - but everyone is aware of the issue in full detail. I was really mad for a day, couldn’t sleep, wasn’t hungry - but then the strong feelings began to gradually decrease and I was able to think clearly about what I could do to rectify this situation. When we’re incredibly angry, we can’t think straight because the feelings are too strong. That is the very reason we need to be honest about those feelings. Through that awareness we can look, feel, understand, and begin our healing process. In these times of extreme feeling, there is an opportunity to look at why this is a trigger. What past experiences were similar to this one? Why is this a big deal? Does this trigger a fear? From this experience, what can I heal? I discovered that my “principle” button is such a big deal because of all the times I have not spoken up or stood up for myself. So, when I see a perceived injustice - all of the stings from the past come out to say, “Wait, don’t forget I’m still in here — you didn’t take care of me.” I’m in the process of forgiving myself for not doing that earlier in my life and now know that I have a right to speak up and express myself.

It’s important to find processes to work through the bee stings of life. Why is the important? Those stings of the past hang around to impact your behaviors and actions in the present.

Sue P. McDaniel, Ph.D. is the author of I.M. Heart published in November of 2007, by Alternatives. Information on this book can be found at http://www.imheart.net