It can be difficult to survive losing a relationship you held dear to you, especially during the holidays. Coming to terms of breaking up, when or not you are agreeable to the resolution, is equally disarming. People of all ages experience this type of grief that can only be expressed as being left behind though often other words are used such as being abandoned, betrayed, cheated on, lied to and a host of other expressions that leave you feeling depressed and grey inside the deepest part of your being. How to move beyond such feelings is often the question posed by the one left behind. Answers are sought in a variety of ways. Loving on the rebound extremely classic along with drinking alcohol, eating for comfortyou get the picture. All answers that, when chosen, lurks in the back of the mind that the choice is all wrong. So whats the answer?

Can the answer as simple as looking at whats best for you? What your needs are? What makes you truly happy? Not happy for the moment, mind you, but foundationally happy. Hindsight may go hand-in-hand with the notion that you may wish to consider whether the relationship made you truly happy. What was the relationship based on? Perhaps a sense of connection that has changed over time? Based on sex (and this is a relationship, in the end, that will not lead anywhere positive)? Based on a pure sense of needing to be loved and wanted? Was it based on trust, honesty, friendship, loyalty, understanding, forgiveness and, yes, love? These are the questions you must give consideration to in relation to how your answers measure up to your principals and ideals of a happy, loving, and committed relationship.

It is difficult, this I know, to wish to hold on to someone that does not wish to hold onto you. Marriage, the entity itself if you are within this bond, can create a devastating blow to the one left behind as you cling to the religious sanctity of the marriage and its security it is created for in a blessed bond. Yet, God did not wish to anyone to be in a loveless bond no matter what stage the relationship is in. Being true and faithful can not make the other just as equally faithful. Feeling angry and resentful, as well, will not heal a relationship that is troubled. Looking at your own beliefs and sense of self-worth will guide you in the direction of finding answers that will make sense and steer you to moving forward in a happier place.

Understanding your self is the key. Not bending your ideologies of what if best for you can maintain confidence, a deeper sense of being, and a quiet surrender to the relationship that may need to be understood as coming in conflict with who you are as a person, who you are as a friend, a sibling, a individual walking in Christ, as a individual seeking their life partner. The whys of it all can create an abyss of endless denial that the answers lie in the one who left? This is not simply so. You want to love and be loved, share joy and happiness, and share the ups and downs, coming out stronger for it. To be partners based on shared beliefs, shared trust, honesty, forgiveness, compassion and vulnerability. If the scale is tipped and the balance is no longer there and the storms are increasing, its time to look are your needs and beliefs and truly see that the leaving is in your benefit for in the long run, you want that balance solid and strong and consistent. Consistency is the key.

It would be wrong not to mention faith in Christ. With Christ, all is possible and if we are walking in His path, we are on solid ground. On a strong rock. If we are not, we are walking on sand-quick sand that is. It really is that simple. Hows your rock? Are you on solid ground or is your ground shaky right now? If you need someone to talk to; if you would like to learn more of my philosophy on standing solidly on the rock, please contact me at gina@livingalifebydesign.com I would love to talk with you. You have a friend in me.

~Gina Kovacs
Owner and Director
Living by Design~Life Coaching and Wellness Solutions

Gina Kovacs is a Life Coach, certified through the Coaching Academy of North America, Inc., specializing in the fields of personal, relationship, spiritual, and weight loss coaching. Gina holds a BA in Philosophy from Siena College and is an author and motivational speaker in the field of personal and life coaching. Please log-on to http://www.livingalifebydesign.com for more information on how Living by Design can help you.