Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to lose your first love? Well it has been put on my heart to tell you my experience of loosing someone I love and hopefully it can encourage you. This is my story of love, loss, and gratitude…

It all started the day of my high school graduation. I had finally graduated from high school, might I add that I accomplished that in three years. I had been looking forward to graduating before I ever got into high school. I hated being young and wanted to grow up as fast as possible. So on that particular day, there was a guy I went to school with there that was at my graduation, but it was odd that he was there because he had already graduated. Then suddenly I was overcome with butterflies when our eyes locked, I barely recognized him. And to be honest, I actually had never thought of him in that way before, he was one of those quiet types that stuck to themselves. He was in JROTC and did wrestling while in school, he was not the typical type I was attracted to but he was always a very sweet guy. Let me just back up a few steps, at this point, I had never had a boyfriend of any kind because of my religious background, dating was simply out of the question for me. I was raised very conservatively in a small town called Bend, Oregon. So after my graduation, I was driving back to my house when my phone rang and as I answered the phone and heard the voice on the other end, I immediately got butterflies in my stomach again. It was Randy, the guy I had gone to school with but never spent anytime with until this night. It was an interesting night to say the least; he actually ended up getting into somewhat of a fight because I was playfully joking around with one of the guys at the party. I felt so ashamed but Randy was so worried about me, it was the nicest thing. He called me as soon as we left and kept on apologizing to me for his behavior. My goodness did that make me feel so bad, it was as if he didn’t even see my fault for starting it and just blamed it on himself. At that moment I started falling for him. Later, I met Randy’s family and they were the most inspiring, loving and caring family you could ever meet. They are a model as to how a family should be. Randy also had two younger brothers, Danny and Kenny. On July 4th, 2004, Randy asked me to go on a horse-back ride with him. I later found out that it was a test to see if I could pass a potential girlfriend, what he didn’t realize was I was raised on horses. As that day went on and we were in the middle of nowhere but trees and bushes, there was a creek going straight through where we went riding so we stopped to let the horses rest. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my love for Randy. So he pulled me into the creek and let me tell you, it was freezing, so we ended up sitting on a little handmade bridge. Randy leaned over to hug me and as we were hugging he whispered into my ear, “Will you be my girlfriend?” I almost did not know what to say, yet needless to say, I said yes in so many words. It was the most sweet, innocent moment that was burned into my memory.

Two weeks later, after so many memories were made on July 18th, I met Randy and his mom and dad at the Marine recruit station to say goodbye to him as we sent him off to boot camp in San Diego, California. That, I thought was going to be one of the hardest things that we would have to go through in our relationship. And yet again, little did I know, it was only the beginning. I sent Randy off with a letter telling him how proud I was of him but also how scared I was at the same time, I ended it with “With love, until we meet again…” Luckily, the previous months my mother, my older sister and I had been packing all of our belongings to move to San Diego as well. That was a godsend! My mother and father had just recently separated and so just us girls were moving. My father and my older brother stayed behind in Bend. So off we went to California about a month after Randy had left. We were on the road, headed for the most amazingly beautiful city! We finally arrived in San Diego after two very long days of driving. As the weeks passed and we got settled into our place, I waited eagerly for the mailman to come and bring the mail so I could see if my precious Randy had written me a letter. Being that we had so little time before Randy had left for boot camp and I was in a city where I didn’t really know anyone and couldn’t see my boyfriend, it grew harder and harder to cope with the sadness of missing him and waiting for him to get out. Then if waiting that long wasn’t bad enough, Randy got very ill while he in boot camp, which delayed his graduation much longer than we had anticipated.

Finally, after three and a half long months, it was October 29, 2004 and I was standing proudly next to all of his family and along with my mother and sister just waiting for Randy to complete his graduation! The emotion that was felt that day was beautiful. Everyone was so overjoyed to see their loved ones and I was elated to see Randy. Tears just welled up in my eyes with joy; I had missed him so terribly. But I can’t almost begin to explain how much everything had changed, he was no longer the Randy I knew, boot camp had totally changed him. I was so hurt by it, he would barely even hold my hand or look at me because he had been brainwashed for the past almost four months to be a soldier for America. Based on my upbringing the wars and being in the military already went against what I believed and that was just something I couldn’t get over, they made him cold and silent. Well needless to say, after some time of readjusting, he began to go back to how I remembered him. About a month later, it was the day after my 18th birthday and Randy and I were at Camp Pendleton, I finally gave myself to him. It was a moment I will remember forever. We were naive and innocent, there was nothing impure about it, well, other than our parents were furious. But I still hold that moment very dear to me and will as long as I live.

Months went by and Randy and I had our good days and our bad days. Finally there came a point when I wanted to spread my wings and explore being single in San Diego. Randy and I continued to get closer and closer after we split up. We could both be authentically ourselves and didn’t have to worry about anything other than enjoying our time together. It is hard for me to say that since we had broken up we were closer apart than together. I loved Randy so much! We were best friends!

In March 2006 I went to Twenty-Nine Palms, CA where Randy had been stationed for the past several months. I went there because Randy was being shipped off to Iraq in three days. He was assigned on a six month deployment that would end September 2006. Sending Randy off to a foreign place when I didn’t know if he would be returning was a horrible feeling. But I did it happily; I was the last person that Randy was with before he left. His family was still in Oregon and was not able to come down, so it was up to me to send him off. The fear that ran through my veins almost made the weekend unbearable, but at the same time, I really felt strongly about it just being the six months and then he would come right back to San Diego. So off to Iraq he went! The months had passed and I was busy working and wasting my time on things that did not matter, but at that time, I didn’t care at all. I was in a stage of my life where I did whatever I wanted to and nobody could tell me differently.

Randy was able to call me several times while he was in Iraq, I would get so excited to hear his voice. I missed him terribly and he only had about a month to go before he was able to come back. I started counting down the days from when he would return I couldn’t wait. On August 20, 2006 at around 11:00pm, I was in the middle of watching Talladega Nights with my new roommates at the Fashion Valley mall when I got a phone call from my sister. She asked me where I was and that she needed to come and pick me up but she would not tell me what was wrong. I was horrified that something had happened to my family or someone I knew, but the last thing on my mind was anything about Randy. I left the movie and ran down the stairs and saw my mom’s car, I got in and insisted on them telling me what was wrong. Then my sister said she had received a phone call from Chad, a very close friend of Randy’s and he told her that Randy had passed away in Iraq. I broke down into uncontrollable tears. That was the last thing I ever wanted to hear. I cannot even put into words the anguish I felt, I couldn’t believe it, so I had to call Randy’s mom. When she answered, my heart was pierced with the sorrow. She told me that he died earlier that day. I told Ramona how sorry I was and hung up the phone. That night was like a nightmare you wish you could just wake up from. Sadly, this nightmare will remain forever. It was so hard to believe that Randy was gone. The day before his death he called me to tell me how much he loved and missed me. He told me that he couldn’t wait to see me and that when he got back he had something that he wanted to ask me but he would not do it over the phone. I had begged him to ask me what he wanted to ask me but he wouldn’t, he told me I had to wait until my birthday on November 13. A few days later, I flew back to my home town for Randy’s funeral. I had never had someone I love die. On August 30, 2006, there were 2,500 people in attendance for Randy’s funeral. He was honored with unparalleled respect. Everyone loved Randy. Randy is my hero and countless others. He made a mark on so many people’s hearts. Randy was honored as one of the few, the proud, the Marines. There was so much love for him shown that day. He will forever be remembered as a great and valiant warrior. After the funeral one of the other Marines that had come to support Randy’s family asked his mom, Ramona if she knew who the girl was that Randy was going to ask for their hand in marriage because he wanted to meet the person that Randy was in love with and made him so happy. Ramona was caught completely off guard; she had not heard anything about this before. Ramona said she thinks she knows who it could be. Moments later, Ramona came and found me and told me the conversation she had just had and told me that she believes that I am that girl, we both started sobbing and just held each other. I had no clue that Randy was going to propose to me when he got back, but that must have been what he refused to ask me the day before his death.

It has now been almost two years since we lost Randy. There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him. Randy impacted my life more than I could ever describe. After the funeral I returned to San Diego and my life changed. I started to see the meaning in my life and stopped wasting time doing things that meant nothing. I now am happily married to a man that I love dearly. I started my own company, Just Pictures International, LLC with the support of my husband. I owe everything that I am right now to Randy. If it was not for him being apart of my life, even though it was a short period of time, I would be lost. He truly changed my life forever! Randy will forever remain my angel in heaven! I will love him forever. I will miss Randy everyday…until we meet again…

Taleah E. Hutchinson
Just Pictures International, LLC
http://www.JustPicturesInternational.com