So called experts have, for years, been telling us how to build a childs self esteem. And over the years we have found that most of what they have told us does not really work, and has resulted in demanding, self centered, rude teenagers who think the world revolves around them.

If you want real life, tried and true methods to help children grow in confidence and self respect youve come to the right place. Not only do these methods really work, you probably wont find them anywhere else. So here they are:

1. The one who works wins

Believe it or not, easy living is tough on a childs self esteem. To build confidence (and trust in self) children must tackle hard things. Its true. Children need to have difficult tasks, duties, goals, or chores that they have to complete themselves. As they do, they gain a sense of accomplishment and come to know that they are capable.

2. Your way or no way? NO WAY!

Let children do things their way. There really is more than one way to load the dishwasher and still get the dishes clean. Its okay to give limited suggestions (at times), but for the most part let your child figure out how to complete a task.

My good friend has a son who very cleverly figured out a solution to being locked out of the house. But instead of congratulating him on his resourcefulness and clever thinking His father told him how he should have done it. That father stole from his son all sense of accomplishment and self esteem that could have been celebrated in that situation. The boy was left feeling inferior and incapable because he didnt do it his dads way, even though his way worked just fine.

3. The truth about consequences

Never remove the consequences of a childs actions. The real world is full of consequences. If you eat too much, you get fat. If you plant seeds, they grow. If youre rude and offend people, they tend to dislike you. When children are defended from the consequences of their behavior they fail to learn important cause and effect thinking that helps make the world more clear to them.

If your children do something wrong, let them face the music and take it on. That proves to them that you know they are capable. Give encouragement and let them talk through options with you, but DONT take it on.

Some parents seem to think that things are never THEIR childs fault. Well, sometimes they are. To cover for them robs them of very important learning opportunities. Heres a hint: Start doing this while your children are young and the errors are not so weighty. If your children are older and are really in troublestart now! They have to take responsibility for their actions sometime. Why not now?

4. Dont GIVE away their self confidence

Lets say this straight out. Its not good for kids (or adults for that matter) to be given everything they want. Encourage kids to believe that they can have what they want, but dont just give it to them. Let them figure out how to earn what they want.

My seven-year-old son wanted a Boy Scout pocketknife. Over time he earned it one quarter at a time. I could see the joy and self-respect in his face as he showed it to everyone and announced that he had earned it himself.

By giving them too much you will give away their chance to learn that they are capable of providing for their own wants.

5. More than words

If you are showing that you trust in your children by using the first four methods, then words of love and admiration will be sincere and heartfelt (as they should be). But if all you do is tell them they are wonderful your words are meaningless, even false to them. Give words of praise when they are honestly deservedand give them often and with joy. Let children feel how much you love them with words of praise in even very small things that they have done well. A sincere, Thank you so much for remembering to close the door shows that you are noticing their efforts.

There they are, 5 real life, but little known, methods for improving your childs self esteem. They really work. Give them a try and let me know how they have helped your family.

MaryLou Bailey is the author of 3 books and numerous articles on all aspects of family health, wealth, and fun. Visit her web sites http://www.marylougames.com and http://www.healthyfamilyresource.com which delves into real life families, parenting, and what it takes to create healthy, wealthy, happy families of all types.

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